Thursday, February 26, 2015

Miscarriage Sucks

That pretty much sums it up.  I, like many other women out there, recently suffered a miscarriage.  I went back and forth if I wanted to share this part of my life with my readers, but I just knew I had to. Keeping your feelings in from this loss only makes it worse.  It's very easy to feel you are alone when you experience the loss of a pregnancy, and if my story can comfort someone the way others' stories have comforted me during this time it will be the least I can do.

On Christmas morning, I found out I was pregnant.  My period was 3 days late (which wasn't unusual), but I thought if it was positive it would be a great Christmas gift.  Before everyone woke up, I took the test and it was a big YES.  I woke up Jay with the news and we spent the next few minutes relishing in our happiness.  After four months of trying, we were so excited!  

Christmas Morning Excitement

After Wyatt opened up his abundance of presents, we told our immediate family.  We couldn't keep this exciting news in, plus it would be pretty obvious when I wasn't having any wine with dinner.

Everything seemed to be going perfectly well, I felt the same as I did with Wyatt.  I had some minor cramping, and was a little moody and tired.  I made my first appointment for when we moved to Tallahassee, and couldn't wait until that first ultrasound.

Jay left on Monday, January 12th to drive down some things to our house in Florida.  I was 6 weeks pregnant.  Wyatt woke up from his nap and I fixed his lunch then headed to the bathroom.  I noticed some spotting and freaked out.  No major cramps, no pain, just spotting.  I new I had to get a Rhogam shot because of my O negative blood type.  I called my doctor and they advised me to go to the ER.  

Wyatt and I spent 5 long hours in the hospital.  It was so hard being so anxious and dealing with my energetic toddler!  I wasn't bleeding much, but my main goal was to get an ultrasound and the Rhogam shot and get out of there as quickly as possible.  After waiting, taking vitals, waiting, ultrasound, waiting, results....I finally got my shot and some information.  Poor Wyatt was "done, done, done".  The doctor said they found a gestational sac on the ultrasound but no heart beat.  He said it was still early, and it was possible I was still pregnant.  Also, my hcg levels were showing I was about 6 weeks pregnant.  I would have to go to my doctor to check my hormone levels in a week and have an ultrasound in 2 weeks.  

Jay flew home late that night from the road to be with me.  I was exhausted, scared and broke down.  The next morning I went to the bathroom and the bleeding was very heavily.  I knew I was miscarrying and I just sat there and cried.

I spent the next week going through the miscarriage, for me physically, it was not much different than a bad period.  It was a sad week.  I went to the doctor and took a pregnancy test, it was negative.   She told me there was no way to tell what happened.  The unknown is never fun, but unfortunately that's how it goes I guess.

One week later I was in Tallahassee and had an ultrasound to make sure everything looked okay.  It was so sad walking into that office... I was supposed to be there to see my baby for the first time... but now it was to verify that there was not a baby.  The good news was that I looked healthy and we could start trying again in a couple months.

Just writing this down made me cry. The last time I cried about my miscarriage was in that doctor's office, when after the ultrasound the doctor said, "I'm sorry for your loss".  It has been about 6 weeks now since my miscarriage, and it has gotten better.  I have hope that Wyatt will have an amazing sibling soon, and that he or she was meant to be in our lives just a little later than we had hoped.  I can't wait for that day when our little family will be complete.

13 comments :

  1. I'm so sorry. That really sucks. Hopefully you'll get pregnant again soon with a healthy baby.

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  2. I'm so sorry <3 For what it's worth, I think you are incredible and brave for talking about it. It is so much more common than people think and talking about it will certainly help others that have gone through the same thing. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. hello, internet friend. i clicked on your name at random off another food blog. i'm so sorry to read about your loss, though. even if we don't know each other i think moms can relate about these things. and i appreciate you talking about it here - it makes it easier for all of us who have gone through something like this to know they are not alone. best of luck with growing your family.

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  4. Oh no I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that getting it down paper will be able to help you a little more.

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  5. I'm so sorry, Natalie. I can't imagine what that must feel like. I hope that sharing your story has helped you. I know writing always helps me feel better and make sense of things. Sending you positive energy your way!

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  6. You would have never known you were going through all this as you were posting about the move and all. I can't imagine the amount of stress you were under at that time. I pray for a healthy and happy pregnancy when the time comes. I

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    1. It was really rough! I debated whether or not to post it on my blog for a few weeks, but glad I did :)

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  7. I am so sorry. Hugs! I can't imagine how hard that must be, but it's so brave of you to share it with others. A lot of women go through this without feeling like they can tell anyone, but I'm sure being able to open up a bit and connect with others about the loss would at least help.

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  8. My goodness, I can't even imagine! My mom miscarried twice before she had me, but she kept trying and here I am! I am so sorry you had to go through this. <3

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  9. So sorry for your loss. I think it is really important to acknowledge miscarriages and the love and loss that you feel. Sending lots of happy thoughts your way!

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  10. Hi friend, not sure if you remember me (old blog was loveoats.blogspot) but I was thinking of you as I looked through old posts of mine, and my heart is heavy for you as I read this post. I miscarried back in January, and it was devastating. Praying for you & future baby plans. Maybe we'll have pregnancy posts up in the future around the same time :)

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  11. I remember being aware that I was micarrying but still hoping it was all a big mistake when we were going to the doctor's office to have our ultrasound to confirm that is what happened. I am sorry this happened.

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  12. So sorry to hear this, we suffered 3 miscarriages in a row last year, our last one at 15 weeks. It's heartbreaking so we have decided to stop trying for a few years and enjoy our toddler! I hope it works out for you and you stay strong :)

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